Ahmed Othman isn’t on TikTok and doesn’t want to be.
He and his younger sister got iPhones when they were in eighth and seventh grade respectively, but with no social media, just iMessage. Their parents, who are both computer scientists, spent the next year teaching them about social media, bombarding them with studies about its effects on teen mental health.
“They really tried to emphasize social media is a tool, but can also be like your worst enemy if you so make it,” Othman said.
Now 17, Othman credits his parents’ deep involvement for what he calls a “healthy relationship” with his phone. That includes staying away from TikTok.
“The algorithm is so potent that I feel like, you know, TikTok might not benefit me,” he said.
Othman, who’s originally from Libya and lives in Massachusetts, is an outlier among his peers, nearly two-thirds of whom are on TikTok either with or without their parents’ permission, according to the Pew Research Center.
Othman’s parents took a middle ground approach that a growing number of experts say is the most realistic and effective way of teaching children about social media: Rather than an outright ban or allowing free reign, they recommend a slow, deliberate onboarding that gives children the tools and information they need to navigate a world in which places like TikTok, Instagram and Snapchat are almost impossible to escape.
“You cannot just expect that the kids will jump into the world of social media, learn how to swim on their own,” said Natalie Bazarova, a professor of communications and director of the Cornell Social Media Lab. “They need to have instruction. They need to have practice on how to behave on social media. They need to have understanding of risks and opportunities. And they also need to learn that in a way that is age appropriate.”
The harms to children from social media have been well-documented in the two decades since Facebook’s launch ushered in a new era in how the world communicates. Kids who spend more time on social media, especially when they are tweens or young teenagers, are more likely to experience depression and anxiety, according to multiple studies — though it is not yet clear if there is a causal relationship.
Many are exposed to content that is not appropriate for their age, including pornography and violence. They also face bullying, sexual harassment and unwanted advances from their peers as well as adult strangers. Because their brains are not fully developed, teenagers are also more affected by social comparisons than adults, so even happy posts from friends could send them into a negative spiral.
Lawmakers have taken notice and have held multiple congressional hearings — most recently in January — on child online safety. Still, the last federal law aimed at protecting children online was enacted in 1998, six years before Facebook’s founding.
Last May, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued a warning saying there is not enough evidence to show that social media is safe for kids and urged policymakers to address the harms of social media the same way they regulate things like car seats, baby formula, medication and other products children use. Parents, he stressed, can’t do it all, although some — like Othman’s — try.
Othman at first wanted a phone “with everything on it, no restrictions.”
“But like now, after the years passed, I really do understand and appreciate what they did,” he said.
Of course, the Othmans’ approach may not work for every family. Most parents are not computer scientists, and many don’t have the time or expertise to create a crash-course on social media for their children.
But even when parents are vigilant, that’s still no guarantee their children won’t fall prey to social media’s traps.
Neveen Radwan thought she did everything right when she gave her children phones: putting restrictions on their accounts, having access to their passwords, taking away their phones at night, setting everything to private.
“I made sure that everything was very, very, you know, airtight,” said Radwan, who worked in information technology for 20 years.
Her daughter didn’t get a phone until she was 13. She started using social media in the eighth grade. When she was 16, she was diagnosed with anorexia.
“We were right in the beginning of (the COVID lockdowns) and it progressed very quickly because we were at home and she was on social media quite a bit at the time,” Radwan recalled.
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